Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize