I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
