was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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