I need help removing her.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
