Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
