I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
