I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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