i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize