What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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