Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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