nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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