Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
