she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
