When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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