Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
