glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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