so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
