My friends, they love my intelligence
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You can't just leave with hair like that
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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