I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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