im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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