i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
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It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
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How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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