The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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