can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
