Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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