if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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