Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
