I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
