Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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