like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
