He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
