Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
