Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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