Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
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I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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