Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This gyro tastes like lonliness
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
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