wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
