If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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