Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
