How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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