Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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