a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
