I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
