Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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