I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
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She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
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Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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