just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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