I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
