i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
