Michael Bay diarrhea
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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