i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
