at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
