make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
