she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
