your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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