Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just saw a hot homeless man
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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