I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
