He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
