I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is Oprah even human
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
