I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
