Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
