she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
