So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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