Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
