You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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