What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Less talking, more tequila
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
