lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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