this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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