TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
