I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
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You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
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How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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