I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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