i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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