remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Randomize
