Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
