SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
